Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008...6:12 pm
#28: Hannah Montana Concerts
The best parent ever is better than you because they just paid $1,000 for a ticket to the Hannah Montana concert for their child on Ebay. Actually, they probably bought two or more more tickets, bringing the price of the 90-minute show to $2,000 plus. For lesser parents, this would cover either a mortgage payment or two, the price of a pre-owned motor vehicle, or perhaps even some minor Lasik surgery.
Why so much for a concert? Is it merely just to stifle the ear-piercing tantrum of a Miley Cyrus-deprived tween? Well, yes. But more importantly it is an opportunity for the Best Parent Ever (and those aspiring to be like them) to gather with thousands of other Best Parents Ever in a tribal communion of sorts. This is an exclusive club, whose membership demands a cultural obliqueness and a healthy five-figure max on the Paypal Visa card. Oh, yeah — and a tolerance for terrible bubblegum rock. Yes, even the Best Parent Ever has a capacity for self-sacrifice. But few other venues allow this kind of collective expression of white parent self-congratulation; an espirt de corps with like-minded sires that probably won’t be felt again until that Ivy League Convocation or parent mixer at the liberal arts college in Vermont.
So take that, music fans everywhere! Today’s wildly-exclusive and overpriced kiddy concerts are not about the music. It’s about the privilege of being one amongst one peers. For the best parent ever, it is both a tribal celebration and a way to spend a ridiculous amount of money in pursuit of proving, once again, that they are better than you. As Hannah Montana herself might say, that is truly “the best of both worlds.”
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7 Comments
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:33 pm
This is funny. All us knock-off brands should get together.
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April 24th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
I will never let my daughter go to one of these concerts. It started with brittany, and now it’s this Montana chick. Billy Ray Cirus has taught his daughter how to make as much money as possible before everyone figures out that you’re a fraud, just like him. She will be in playboy in the next 10 years, or flash her panties to anyone who will look just like Brittany did to get the attention that nobody wants to give her anymore. She will get knocked up (see the Spears sisters) and then fat and have a VH1 where are they now. That all the little girls that paid for her bad concerts will watch and say I remember that chick now she lives in a trailer.
August 5th, 2008 at 2:08 am
Ouch. Brutal, Jose.
August 19th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
All of the above also applies to the Jonas Brothers.
November 29th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Eight-year-old me would have taken great pleasure in kicking the asses of all of the little eight-year-old Hannah Montana nauseabeings out there. I was tougher shit than them because I liked real music — The Stones, The Kinks, The Doors, Eddie Cochran, The Four Tops, The Supremes, Marvin Gaye, Buddy Holly, etc. Real rock and pop performed by real people who really had talent — I spun them all on my portable beige Fisher Price record player, and I dug them all. The Hair soundtrack was as close as I got to kiddie music. And my strong base in good music has influenced me ever since; I have much more discerning tastes when it comes to music and actually CARE about music. These little shitheads probably will like music only enough to follow the crowd and be into whatever is “hip” to like but will not have any real appreciation of what good music is like. If I were a parent, I would rather my kid listen to “Mother’s 19th Nervous Breakdown” or “Papa Was a Rolling Stone” than any of that cheesy b.s. that kids seem forced to “enjoy” these days.
April 3rd, 2009 at 5:15 pm
Every time i come here I am not dissapointed, nice post
April 29th, 2009 at 1:10 am
Lol, Jose. awesome.