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Are you the Best Parent Ever?


Find your BPE score at the bottom of the page!

NOTE: this only works in Internet Explorer (not Firefox)


1. Do you have a $1000 Stroller?


2. Is your child named Neveah, Dylan, Casey, Madison, or any of the Dumb Baby Names listed here?


3. Do you have a non-white nanny?

    Why yes -- is there any other kind?

4. Choose one...

    Baby Einstein
    Baby Joe Blow

5. How long have you been on that waiting list for the best preschool around?

    More than six months
    You have to get on a waiting list for preschool?

6. Agree or disagree: Babies are meant for wearing

    Agree -- in fact, I've got the little one in a sling as I type

7. Did you spend more than $500 for any birthday party for a child under the age of 5?

    Why, yes, didn't you?
    No, but I did put out a few pizzas and an ice cream cake

8. Do you have more on-line parent friends than real-life parent friends?

    Can I answer that after I check all forums, e-mail and yahoo groups?

9. Which is more fun...

    Overnight camping in the woods
    Overnight camping in the natural history museum

10. Do you have your child's cellphone number on speed dial?

    Of course!
    My kid doesn't have a cellphone!

11.Do you schedule your children's playdates more than three days in advance?

    At LEAST three days

12. Do you agree with this statement: "TV is bad for my children!

    Yes.  It rots their little minds!
    No.  And when I put them in front the TV, it saves my sanity!

13. Child portraits: who took your kid's picture?

    Private, wannabe fashion photographer
    Department store photo studio

14. When placing your child in a shopping cart do you say...

    "Ewwww!  Hurry up and cover that dirty shopping cart seat with a specially made protective cover!"
    "Dirty seat?  Whatever.. That's what baths are for.."

15. The Nintendo Wii is the single greatest technological achievement of mankind -- and I'm better than you because I own one and you don't.?

    Mii, Mii, Mii

16. Wine makes me a better parent.

    No, that's not a very responsible statement.
    Yes.  I wish I called my kid "Merlot," because that's the only other thing I can't live without

17. Sweden's most important contribution to our culture is the Stokke and Svan highchair.

    Yah, I loof the svedeesh high chair, bork bork bork!
    No.  Plastic seating's just fine with me.

18. The best way for my child to experience the fresh air and exercise of hte Great Outdoors is in...

    An indoor playground
    The Great Outdoors

19. I'm giving my baby a headstart in life by teaching him/her baby sign language.

    Agree (as baby raises hand in "yes" sign)
    Disagree (as parent raises hand in middle finger sign) 

20. My baby sleeps best on...?

    An organic mattress
    What the hell is an organic mattress?

21.This quiz is getting long.  Do you want to keep doing it?  Or skip ahead?

    I want to go on (worth one bonus point)
    Skip to the end!

22.  Giving Advice.  When you see another parent?  Do you...

    Say "Hi"
    Say "Hi," and then tell them EXACTLY how to raise their children.

23. Who do you trust more to feed your child...

    The Gerber Baby
    Some hippie with a food processor and organic food jars.

24. Second languages.  My baby is learning to speak.

    English, Spanish, French, and perhaps Latin
    Goo-goo ga-ga

25. When my kid needs help with his homework...

    I call Samir in Bangalore (we've outsourced our tutoring)
    I try to assist them -- especially if I can drink wine

26. Who is your child's babysitter?.

    I'll NEVER tell. 
    Hold on -- I'll get the phone number

27. Choose another...?

    Britax car seats
    Graco car seats

28.  How much would you pay for Hannah Montana tickets?

    up to $1000
    Who the hell is Hannah Montana?

29.  Where is your baby's placenta?

    A medical waste bin somewhere
    Buried in our garden or perhaps turned into a stew

30.  Breastfeeding.

    Formula feeding should be a crime.
    Breastmilk is great, but not essential

31.  The most important part of going to the playground is...

    Looking better than the other moms

32.  The greatest childrearing expertise can be found in...

    Top notch medical schools
    Mud huts

33.  Do you consider yourself a Best Parent Ever?

    I can't stand those douchebags!  (For more info, see forum)




SCORES - How You Rate

BPE Score 5 or less:  You are so NOT a Best Parent Ever.  Sorry.  Best of luck to the kids. 

BPE Score 5-15:   You are on the way to becoming a Best Parent Ever, but the Best Parent Ever is still Better than you.

BPE Score 15-30:  You are probably often mistaken for a Best Parent Ever, but there is still hope for you.  Try drinking more wine.

BPE Score 100 or more:  You answered "Absolutely" in #33.  Self-awareness is the first step towards diagnosis.  You are truly a Best Parent Ever.