The Best Parent Ever is better than you because they just had the GREATEST Mom’s Night Out ever. But don’t believe them. It’s simply not true.

Like New Year’s Eve bashes and Bachelorette Parties, Mom’s Night Out is one of those highly-anticipated events that never quite lives up to its hype. Theoretically, the idea of escaping children for a night of gossip, liberation, and female bonding might seem like a good idea. But the moment you put more than two mothers together in a room, they just won’t stop talking about their children.

Why does one go through all the effort of arranging babysitters and/or husbands to escape their children, only to spend all night talking about their children? We don’t know — but did you hear what our children just did?  Then, of course, drinks are interupted by the multiple mandatory cellphone calls back to the nest.  And, finally, for those who left their husbands in charge of the children, there is the greatest “reward” of all — returning home from Mom’s Night Out to hear Mr. Patriach Expertus boast about how “easy” it was to watch the brood.  “I don’t know what you’re always complaining about,” he explains, dismissing the 7-day-a-week Mommy-Prison Stretch with his four or five hours of TV watching alongside already-sleepy children.

So take that, beleaguered mothers everywhere!  Mom’s Night Out is a ruse, meant to make you feel like you have a life, which you don’t.  So just buck up and stay home next time, where you can take care of the kids and think of what to do for your wonderful husband for this upcoming Father’s Day.  He is, after all, a Best Parent Ever too.

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