Thursday, March 13th, 2008...6:21 pm
#3: Non-White Nannies
Best Parents are all about the advancement of non-white people of every color. Even their nannies. Nannies become like a cherished part of the Best Parent’s family. This is the part of the family that can be fired in a few years when the grammar school after-care program provides more cost-effective childcare.
But in the meantime, Best Parents love their nannies, and are happy to give them the ample financial opportunities available in slave-wage childcare. Nothing says “American Dream” to Best Parents more than scrambling across a few thousand miles of Central American deserts and jungles, dodging bandits and immigration officers, just so the non-white nanny can wipe up some best parent’s moppet’s snot tubes for 12 hours a day.
The thing Best Parents love most is when their non-white nanny has “parenting” instincts, or is also a mother herself. Of course, Best Parents aren’t overly concerned about who is watching the non-white nannie’s non-white kids all day long. The non-white nannie’s job is to wipe the asses of little Max and Ava, while in the Best Parent’s townhome. This is the ultimate irony of the non-white nanny. In order for her to demonstrate the parenting instincts needed to be hired, she must abandon her own children in favor of those spawned by the Best Parent.
But what’s the real reason behind the rise in popularity of the non-white nanny? Well, a few years ago The Great White Parent loved to hire something called an “au pair” to watch their children. These where typically spry, young college-age girls, who were shipped in from Europe for a few months at a time and were incredibly white. But the problem was, they had to live in the Best Parents’ home. The prospect of having some 19-year coed from Scandinavia prancing around in the guest room down the hall was more than most Best Parent marriages could take. Enter the family-friendly emissary from South of the Border. Non-white nannies not only save Best Parents money, but they save their marriages as well.
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26 Comments
March 24th, 2008 at 1:42 am
Stick Figure People LOVE non-white nannies.
March 24th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
Back in the eighties, it was young white nannies from such remote places as Minnesota and Iowa. Fresh off the farm, one year of college under their belt was the “elite” status symbol. In the nineties, it was “my young midwest nanny who cost me an $800 dollar placement fee has to leave early tonight for her community college class, we are so proud of her for wanting to finish her degree”.
And so true that whole part of the family until the kid ages out or the nanny irons the children’s underwear wrong. Then, the nanny is let go, all her stuff is placed in the foyer of the NYC apartment building and the doorman is calling her a cab.
April 3rd, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Like I can afford a nanny.
0 for 3.
April 9th, 2008 at 1:23 am
I am not sure how a middle aged white man with no children fits into this blog. Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he should go back to the driving range and try “parenting” a decent 7 iron shot.
Be that as it may, even as a non-parent the thought of leaving children with others for long stretches always bugs me. I find it interesting that people with babies reach a threshold quickly when strangers approach their carriage and attempt to communicate with their babies. Two months later, that same person is interviewed for a full time job taking care of that baby. “Don’t you remember me? I’m the person you pulled away from at the Starbucks when I started making monkey faces to entertain your kid. Anyhow, I’m bonded… although you’d be uneasy if my brother was sitting next to you on a plane…”
Why people would put cameras in teddy bears rather than just stay home… that eludes me. But does that mean that I think parents should be condemned to always having to be in the home with their kids?
I suppose it’s a matter of degrees. A babysitter for special nights out, that seems natural enough. But letting someone have an eight hour stretch with your kid on a daily basis… possibly reading aloud to Junior from “The Motorcycle Diaries” or “Rubyfruit Jungle”…
John Lennon famously stayed home to be a house dad, and I can tell you that Sean’s music is fantastic… especially that one song of his, “Dad, Get the Fuck Out of My Room.”
In other words… the whole deal seems very problematic to me, and yet so natural and right to so many, especially here in So Cal. So, I’m up for any reactions you might have. By the way, we have a dog we fawn over. And we push her around the neighborhood in a $300 dog stroller from Love My Puppy, a wonderful ‘green’ company in New Zealand. Again, I kid… is there any more of this green tea? (STAJICH)
June 6th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
I came to America from England to be a nanny and I was not at all interested in breaking up anybody’s mariage ! Some nannies are interested in doing a good job looking after the kids !!!
June 10th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
We have a white nanny. She’s white TRASH, though. Does that count?
June 19th, 2008 at 5:17 am
With the current US economic woes, I could easily see the rise of the “white trash nanny class.” At the heart of it, this is really a class issue–the ethnic oppression is just icing on the cake here.
June 19th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
I’ll be happy to hire a white trash nanny… as long as she’s really hot.
June 19th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
I’d also be perfectly happy to hire a non-white nanny…as long as she’s hot.
July 5th, 2008 at 4:23 am
I am drinking a vino, a breastfeeding advocate who only buys developmental toys for her daughter. Thanks for this awesome site. Totally love it and yes, I can still laugh at myself. However, being Asian. Having a non-white nanny is a cultural thing on part. I want my daughter to learn Korean. So does that count as being best parent?
July 15th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Well, I’ve noticed that white best parents with nannies love non-white (particularly Hispanic) nannies because their child gets free Spanish lessons. They just gush about how they want their kids to be bilingual, and all I can think is, “Yeah, so they can boss THEIR nanny around in Spanish when they have kids!”
July 22nd, 2008 at 6:50 pm
Can I hire a male nanny?
Mmmm….delicious…
August 18th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
Believe me mommy, your nannies, Shanice, LaTisha and Destiny despise little Sam and Emma and hardly watch them when you are at work. As I sit with my own kids in the park slope brooklyn park I am astounded by the fact that the kids make it through the day! They are so totally neglected! While these ladies nap on the bench, eat cod fish and suck their teeth, your little ones are running in front of moving swings, playing in the public restrooms and eatting sand.
and verbally abused.
September 13th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
If you go to our local park during most school hours, the only people there are nannies. Suits me fine. The nannies are actually interesting to talk to. The rare other moms who do totter in on their ridiculous heels are either too glued to their cell phones to strike up a conversation, or look down their noses at someone who would dare show up at a playground in jeans and a t-shirt. Screw them. I used to deliberately get together for playdates with some of the kids when their nannies were caring for them, because I hated their folks, but their nannies were great friends.
And although there are some nannies who ignore the kids at the park, the vast majority interact with the kids far more than the overdressed moms do.
November 25th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
I hired a nanny when i married him 12 years ago. i am black and so is he. does that count?
January 7th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
How true! I have wealthy in-laws in Toronto who, like many of their friends, used African nannies through all the early years. My mother-in-law remarked that it would be a miracle if the kids grew up understanding english.
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