Wednesday, March 19th, 2008...3:13 pm
#10: Scheduled Play Dates
Since the Best Parent is very busy with some of the most important tasks imaginable to mankind, they have an overwhelming need to schedule things in their daily life. Each trip to the feng shui yoga consultant or the organic cotton aisle at Whole Foods must be well thought-out and planned in advance. And, of course, the Best Parent has already checked-in with one of their Yahoo parenting groups beforehand to make sure pesticide-free fennel bulbs are still on sale before jumping into the beloved SUV or 2008 Prius.
On the other hand, being the astute prodigy, the Best Parent’s child is also very busy. They have enormous amounts of after-school and weekend activities, such as musical expression lessons, conversational Mandarin classes, and even athletic pursuits, such as soccer (whatever THAT is). Therefore, the Best Parent’s child doesn’t have the opportunity to play spontaneously with their friends. Enter the scheduled play date.
Scheduled play dates serve a multitude of conveniences for the Best Parent. They no longer have to worry that stray children will wander into their yard unannounced, wanting to distract their child from jazz guitar practice or tai chi for toddlers. Besides, the Best Parent has only bought enough Mahi Mahi for three.
Play dates work because, like family therapy and Botox injections, they can be scheduled in advance for the Best Parent’s convenience and enjoyment. Randomness is for poor, non-best people living in the paths of Hurricane Katrina and Third Word dictators. Children, despite their inherent unpredictability, can be blissfully bent and twisted into schedules befitting the Best Parent’s lifestyle. The scheduled play date says, “Children need to play — but so do I. I am a Best Parent — now deal with it, darling offspring.”
So take that, Mommy Random and Daddy Surprise! The Best Parent realizes childbearing is a spinning roulette wheel that, with the right scheduling, will always land on the color “me.”
For more “helpful” parenting tips, join the BPE Discussion Board!
(By the way, this is what a pesticide-free fennel bulb looks like.)
36 Comments
March 20th, 2008 at 2:58 am
This is the first post I have read, got your link from stuffwhitepeoplelike. It’s very funny and I plan to read the rest of your posts after I drop you this line.
I wanted to give you some encouragement
(and your husband too- read his when I saw the link on yours- I hope for both of you that you get 2000 hits soon!
March 20th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
This is a cool site-although it is a small source of worry for me at this point: Am I way too White???
I actually plan large play dates-twice a year @ our house. We always invite everyone who signs up for the “Friendship Tree”.
The first one I planned was a Backyard Play & Pizza Date…1 hours of free playtime in the back yard, then 45 minutes of organized games, capped off with pizza and all natural fruit juices.
The other one was a Movie Date. The children got to vote on which movie would be seen from a list of three. The movie began @ 5 sharp. We served popcorn and (of course) all natural fruit juices.
This year we’re doing a “Bubble Date”…I am setting up the big bubble maker in the back yard and then providing the small hand held bubble blowers for all the guests. Of course there will be pizza and all natural fruit juices-LOL!
March 21st, 2008 at 2:03 am
keep up the good work
http://www.anythingblack.wordpress.com
March 26th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
No, no, you’ve got it all wrong. We schedule the play dates because we live in “transitional” neighborhoods that allow us to enjoy our urban lifestyle and deride the suburbanites for their lack of diversity, but, like, no way can we let our kids play with the urchins who live near us or send them to the neighborhood school.
April 3rd, 2008 at 2:13 pm
1 for 10.
This is sad, folks.
June 8th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
And what are people supposed to do when there arent any kids in their neighborhood the same age as their children ?
I have a 1yo and a 4yo and they cant very well play with 8-13 yr olds now can they ?
We love our play dates. The kids get to play and interact with kids their own age, not because Im too busy doing other things that I have to schedule time for them to play.
June 19th, 2008 at 7:43 am
“1 for 10.”
What are you trying to prove? That you don’t understand sarcasm?
July 22nd, 2008 at 9:45 pm
I am sadly quilty of playdates. But I only joined them because my husband is military and we move around a lot. To meet people (I don’t work) I joined a playgroup here in the area. I enjoy it. =)
September 13th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
The problem is one of being one of the few Worst Parents in the neighborhood. We are terrible parents who don’t overschedule our kids, and kick them outside in the backyard to play, or tell them to go ride their bikes. But the problem is that every other kid around who is of the right age is hugely scheduled. No one is out just hanging out, playing all that.
So reluctantly, I have to schedule playdates. And I hate it with a passion. But it’s either that, or nothing around here. And it’s just ridiculous, because playdates need to be scheduled about 3 weeks in advance to find a free day. It’s nuts.
November 1st, 2008 at 6:16 pm
i don’t have kids and i thoroughly enjoy this blog! it is the best companion to a cup of coffee in the morning! what i find amusing is that people actually don’t comprehend sarcasm and the responses reflect that. thank god you point out all the idiocy that has become parenting. everyone is so damn precious. like they are the first at giving birth! i live in L.A. so it’s disgusting here. playdates and the right, celebrity filled pre-preschools. not firmly or violently for that matter correcting your child when he hits, kicks, bites or attacks your childless friends when they visit. instead you try to “talk it out”. seriously???!!!! you can’t talk reason to a 3 year old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so bravo on this blog. it will continue to make me happy in my decision NOT to reproduce and i certainly hope i’m dead before any of these progeny are old enough to run the country or the world for that matter! bad, bad parents!
March 31st, 2009 at 4:31 am
Do love the blog.
Do not have children.
That out of the way, what on EARTH are you expected to DO with a pesticide-free fennel bulb? Do you eat it? The pesticide-free bit suggests that it must be a food item to these people. But the only bulbs I know about are used for gardening or lighting a room…
April 23rd, 2009 at 1:22 pm
I’m just thinking back to when I was a child, and how much I’d have HATED it if my mother came every time I went over to the neighbors’ to play.
As annoying as kids’ today are, I also feel pretty sorry for them.
December 23rd, 2010 at 7:00 am
My favorite things to do is play games
January 15th, 2011 at 2:06 am
best legal highs in australia hbwr pills melbourne buy party pills south africa salvia divinorum buy canada blast legal high k2 herbal smoke for sale herbals highs legal ghb charge herbal powder dream herbal incense review legal herbal buds review party drugs for sale legal bud seeds legal weed australia best legal highs reviews herbal grinders buy lsd dream emulator legal highs uk shop legal high reviews most powerful legal highs ecstasy pills sale k2 smoking blends where to buy poppers in london medical marijuana shops in new jersey salvia for sale in atlanta best types of extacy how much do thc pills cost herbal euphoria salvia dragon where to buy k2 columbia mo
March 2nd, 2011 at 7:00 am
i have your diary from moment to time and i own a similar one and i was vindicatory wondering if you get a lot of email comments? If so how do you limit it, any plugin or anything you can advise? I get so some lately it’s dynamic me cracked so any better is overmuch satisfying.
April 18th, 2011 at 1:24 pm
Hot pregnant girls showing their wonderful bodies.
May 21st, 2011 at 4:01 pm
Hardcore throat fucking action!
May 29th, 2011 at 5:01 am
One thing I want to comment on is that weightloss system fast may be accomplished by the suitable diet and exercise. Ones size not just affects appearance, but also the general quality of life. Self-esteem, depressive disorders, health risks, along with physical capabilities are impacted in excess weight. It is possible to do everything right whilst still having a gain. Should this happen, a problem may be the perpetrator. While a lot food and never enough physical exercise are usually responsible, common medical conditions and widely used prescriptions can easily greatly help to increase size. Kudos for your post here.
June 21st, 2011 at 5:21 pm
Slutty MILFs enjoys kinky sex!
July 2nd, 2011 at 7:31 pm
I really like your wp design, wherever did you down load it through?
July 14th, 2011 at 11:30 am
You could definitely see your enthusiasm within the paintings you write. The sector hopes for even more passionate writers like you who are not afraid to mention how they believe. All the time go after your heart.
July 14th, 2011 at 11:33 pm
I love you’r web blog theme, which design do you use?? please reply!
July 15th, 2011 at 12:30 am
I love you’r website template, which theme do you use?? please comment back!
July 18th, 2011 at 8:31 am
This web page is really a stroll-by for all the data you wished about this and didn’t know who to ask. Glimpse right here, and also you’ll positively uncover it.
July 19th, 2011 at 3:50 am
thesubjectand
July 31st, 2011 at 4:05 am
Hi. Today using msn. It is a perfectly created write-up. I’ll make sure to save that and come back to learn more of one’s useful details. Just submit. I will definitely return
August 1st, 2011 at 1:18 am
Hey there! I’m at work surfing around your blog from my new iphone 4! Just wanted to say I love reading your blog and look forward to all your posts! Carry on the fantastic work!
August 17th, 2011 at 1:32 am
I love your wordpress design, exactly where do you download it through?
August 26th, 2011 at 12:56 pm
This webpage won’t display appropriately on my iphone - you might want to try and fix that
September 1st, 2011 at 10:25 pm
Music started playing as soon as I opened up this blog, so frustrating!
September 9th, 2011 at 9:02 pm
What i do not realize is if truth be told how you are now not really a lot more smartly-favored than you might be right now. You’re very intelligent. You realize thus considerably in relation to this subject, produced me for my part imagine it from numerous varied angles. Its like men and women don’t seem to be fascinated until it’s one thing to accomplish with Woman gaga! Your personal stuffs nice. At all times maintain it up!
December 10th, 2011 at 12:22 am
Awesome read, thanks.
January 11th, 2012 at 1:02 pm
My cousin recommended Document may something like this web site. The person was once entirely most suitable. This approach submit truly prepared great moment. You will can not imagine simply ways a lot effort I had produced paid out for the info! Thanks!
January 31st, 2012 at 9:28 am
Wonderful goods from you, man. » Blog Archive » #10: Scheduled Play Dates I have understand your stuff previous to and you are just too wonderful. I really like what you’ve acquired here, certainly like what you are saying and the way in which you say it. You make it enjoyable and you still take care of to keep it sensible. I can’t wait to read far more from you. This is really a great » Blog Archive » #10: Scheduled Play Dates informations.
February 7th, 2012 at 2:24 am
Definitely believe that which you said. Your favorite justification appeared to be on the internet the simplest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I certainly get irked while people consider worries that they plainly don’t know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side-effects , people could take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks
April 19th, 2012 at 11:11 pm
I Agree !!
Leave a Reply