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Saturday, May 3rd, 2008...3:48 pm

Results of 2008 Dumbest Baby Name Ever Contest

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The Polls have closed and the 2008 Dumbest Baby Name Ever is…

Shi’thead.

Congratulations, Shi’theads everywhere. Your name is officially dumbest.

The Best Parent Ever is so much better than you because they have created an entirely new linguistic form to apply to their very special and unique (and better) children. It is the Dumb Baby Name.

Nearly 500 Dumb Baby Names were submitted by readers in our recent contest. The editors of BestParentEver.com chose six finalists for the following reasons…

Abcde (pronounced “Absedee”) — We chose this for the sheer laziness of it. Need a baby name? Just take the first five letters of the alphabet.

EPSN (pronounced “Espin”) — More like W.T.F.? And what if the parents suddenly start watching Fox Sports instead? Probably the only thing worse than having an unwanted name tattooed on your flesh, is having your kid named after a network you no longer watch.

Orangello and Lemongello (pronounced like they are spelled, but with a “jello” sound) — We like these names because they sound like dessert or after-dinner drinks. The advantages to this is that you can be in a restaurant, shouting at your kids, and the waiter might think you’re just ordering very loudly. The next thing you know, a dish of something sweet and alcoholic shows up. Best Parent Ever wins again! (Added bonus: the urban dictionary defines Lemongello as “a given name meaning your butt is the widest part of your body.” Orangello means “the mother of all flotsam.”)

Nevaeh (”heaven” spelled backwards) — There is a whole subgenre of Dumb Baby Names in which a perfectly normal name is spelled backwards. Why? So the child can one day see “heaven” in the mirror? Or are these parents just dyslexic? And what happens when you combine a backwards spelling parent with a plain old lazy Dumb Name Parent. Can the name “Edcba” (”Abcde” backwards) be far behind?

Xy (pronounced “Zie”) — Is this child named after their chormosomal contents? Who knows! It was one of many outstanding X names submitted, including Xyler (pronounced “Zyler”) and Xyz (pronounced “Zice”). Face it: English-speaking people don’t know how to pronounce names that begin with X. So even if you named your kid Xavier, you’re still asking for trouble.

Shi’thead — Pronounced “Shi’thaad.” Maybe in some parts of the world this is a perfectly normal name. But here it is just pure evil parenting genius.

51 Comments

  • My favorite is ESPN.

  • This just HAS to be shared with all of you “Best Parents” out there. My husband knows of a Hispanic gentleman with the name Asswipe. It was pronounced Ah-swee-pay. Now that’s funny! We can only conclude it was the first “name” he saw on the bathroom stall wall.

  • Espn Curiel, born 9/24/2000
    (http://www.caller2.com/2001/april/04/today/localspo/22172.html)
    and from OutSports.com April 26, 2000:
    “A Michigan couple has named its new baby boy Espen after ESPN. Espen Allen Blondeel was born to Chad and Alisha Blondeel in January [2000]. The dad, a huge SportsCenter fan, met stiff resistance from mom until he was able to find Espen in a baby-naming book. It means “God-bear” in Danish.”

  • Hey Late Entry - that was an SNL skit with Nic Cage!

  • The name tag is hilarious!

  • OMG! I actually taught a kid named Shi’thead YEARS ago. My first day when I had to call attendance, I just about DIED! (I actually did a blog post about it a while ago)
    I was a foster parent for YEARS and honestly, I came in contact with some SERIOUSLY BAD names that way too…
    Twins named Theresa & Terri (DUH!)
    A child named Pajama (pronounced Paj-u-muh)

    People are just WRONG!

  • The worst name I ever heard of was told to me by my Dad. He was in Holland at the end of WWII (he was in the army) and met a girl named Fukya. It was pronounced f*ck-yah. Hope she never moved to an English speaking land.

  • Worst I’ve heard is a couple who used ‘Pom-Pom’ as a middle name.

    And they were from England…they were poms. Two of them. Made a baby pom.

    Pom-Pom…makes sense I guess.

  • The 1st, 3rd and 5th names are total Urban Legends. As are the ones about Asswipe and the STDs.
    I refuse to believe that anyone has any of these names until I meet them.

  • The Necklace Lady
    June 29th, 2008 at 5:32 am

    I’m a nurse and work in an NICU. The babies with the best names I’ve ever personally met:

    Female (pronounced Fe’Mah-Lay)
    Conscience Sincere Promise Jones-Jackson (we’ll call her Connie)
    Mayne Jayal. (mom was in the Main st. jail)

    There’s more… but these are the best.

  • my university roommate had friends with the last name Rabbit..their kids were Jack, Peter and BUNNY. I didn’t believe her until she got her high school year book out and showed me.

  • I knew a girl who’s name was Crystal Meth Johnson.
    Not joking, I saw her driver’s license.

  • Camkin, I know it’s hard to believe, but I actually know a child named Abcdee…..the best part is when her parents got pregnant with their second child they were trying to figure out how to do something with the last 6 letters of the alphabet! I also worked with a Physician who had delivered a baby for a spanish speaking woman who wanted to name her baby “female” because that is the name she “came with” (think about the little hospital bracelets that have gender on them. This same Physician also delivered a baby who the mom wanted to name her daughter Gonorrhea (pronounced Gone-or-rhea). I haven’t known her to make up stories!

  • I work for a newspaper and write in the birth announcements. I’ve seen quite a few really terrible ones.

    I remember these two girls not long ago - twins - their last name was Bridges. The girls’ names were “Brooklyn” and “London.”

    Some people just shouldn’t breed.

  • I can’t believe I just learned about this blog today! So much to catch up with.. But, the dumb baby-name contest is by far the funniest I’ve seen..

    What were all these people thinking when naming their child/ren? I mean, even if you are from another country where Shi’thead means whatever-spiritual-thing, if you are leaving in an English-speaking country you should re-consider the name: A LOT!! It is unfair and even mean to name your child something like that.. They will be teased and made fun at even after they that… Just aweful..

    As for the others.. classic laziness.. People do go to great lengths to be “unique” I guess..

  • My husband taught at a middle school in Georgia in the early 90’s. There was a set of twins named Cadillac and Hawaii. He assumed it related to their conception. Sigh.

  • I think the worst one that I’ve ever seen in real life was about 8 years ago. A gal I worked with named her little girl…D’Nasty. Pronounced Dynasty. I guess Dynasty isn’t so bad, but with the spelling that they used… come on! I feel sorry for that little girl. The boys will have a hay day with that one once she’s in Jr. High. Poor kid.

  • I have to add a couple more to this. I am appalled but at the same time getting a laugh at these crazy names. I have to reiterate that my mom, a nurse, was present when a woman named her child Female so yes it’s real. My biology teacher in HS was Harry Butts and his daughter’s name is Kisha. My husband went to college with Dickson Hand. Enjoy!

  • I saw this on News of the Weird a long time ago. This lady named her son Kenesis, the story goes because her husbands name was Ken, and he liked to play Genesis (the old Sega game console). Poor kid, and not just for his name…

  • Agh….If my mother had married her high school sweetheart with the last name of Mousewisck (not sure of the spelling but pronounced mouse-uh-witch), she planned on naming her son and daughter Michael and Michelle. Their nicknames were going to be Mickey and Minnie she told me. I am so glad that she didn’t. I did get named after my month of being conceived and born though…July 4th was when I was conceived…

  • My aunt’s boyfriend’s mother went to school with an Ima Whore.

  • My aunt used to work for a hospital in Chicago about 30 years ago and a woman who was pregnant with twins came in to give birth.

    She had the names picked out and try as they might my aunt and the rest of the nurses and doctors could do nothing to persuade her to change her mind.

    The names of the little girls? LaTwit and LaTwat.

    Many years ago I was listening to the radio with a friend of mine and they were talking about odd names when an old man (probably around 70) came on talking about how he grew up with a set of twins who’s names were Ima and Iva Rottencrotch.

  • I used to work in an inner city school and the worst name I ever came across was King Tut.

  • I had a grad school professor named Dick Ring (and he insisted on us calling him Dick instead of “Dr.”) We all about died laughing the day he was teaching us how to administer the Woodcock Johnson!
    The town I am from also used to have a mayor named Harry Baals. We even have a Harry Baals Boulevard named after him!

  • ok, we were going to name our son…wild goose…
    our last name is chace..

    i knew an aida burger…she married mr. burger so not her fault..

    my friends’ brother named his son Harrison Richard….it took his brother in-law 1 minute to come up with Harry Dick

  • Oh my days, I was laughing like crazy when I read people could name thier baby Shi’thead. Thats just crazy!

  • What a great post and comments. I am literaly LOL with tears in my eyes!

  • As a public school teacher, I came across some weird names.

    Meaghwynne (pronounced MEGAN.)

    D’Christian Catholic (first and last, not first and middle.)

    Sweetie and Candee (twins)

    La’Vitra (Guess dad needed some help?)

    Wayana (again, a pronounciation nightmare…pronounced waan-yay.)

    I went to school with a girl named Angherod as well.

  • I set up a UPS daily pickup account for Jack Meoff & an account for Wavy Poole! They had to provide creditcards to open the accounts so I know they were real names! Crazy right?

  • Back in the early 90s, I worked with an OB-GYN named Dr. Harry C. Beaver. I wish I still had some of his business cards, because no one ever believes me.

  • I know already that no one will believe me, but my boyfriend went to high school with a girl whose parents named her “after their two favorite things” according to them. Here name was, Marijuana Pepsi-cola. The kids at school just called her Mari, but come on really? who names their child that?

  • Unfortunately, Shi’thead was a common enough joke that ambulance workers would play with poor illiterate mothers. Funny, but sad at the same time.

    The better one is here: http://ireadbannedbooks.net/2008/10/12/yet-another-reason-civilization-is-doomed/

    le-a. Pronounced Ledasha.

  • I had a high school teacher named Lyon Trainor, who named his son Tyrone Shoelaces.
    I also had a few classes with Theodore (Teddy) and Pandora (Panda) Behr.

    My mom’s friend is a pastor, and she once baptized a little girl named Syphillis. (pronounced Suh-fil-us)

    And to the people who give their kids the nicknames of famous people, how about giving them the real name!? Instead of Coco, try Ms. Chanel’s true name, Gabrielle? If you love To Kill a Mockingbird, instead of Jem and Scout, try Jeremy and Jean Louise? You can still call them Coco, Jem and Scout, but at least their school records won’t look like obedience school certificates.

  • 99% of your stories are BS and every one of the top five names on this website are urban legends.

    No one is that stupid.

  • Oh Abby. Clearly someone IS ‘that stupid’. ;)

  • On Feb 7, 2009, little Abcde Holly Marie Barnes was born in Carlsbad, NM. I thought that was unusual, but a quick google search suggests it is waaay more common than it should be.

  • Nope, not urban legends, Abby.

    I’ve known two little girls named “Nevaeh.”

  • I HAVE actually heard of Nevaeh. I do believe that most of the ones listed, however, are urban legends. Seriously. Show me a birth certificate and THEN I’ll believe it.

  • I once knew a kid named Asshead when I was little. It was pronounced Uh-sawd.

  • My mom told me millions of stories about when she was doing her physical therapists variation of a “residency.” She worked with the babies born to lower income (trashy so NOT BEST PARENT EVER) familes.
    One women saw the name tag placed on her baby’s bassinet and goes “Why did you name my child, fehmalay?” (FEMALE.)
    Another decided to go with their recently aquired dialogue, obtained during delivery, and name her child PLACENTA.
    Poor kids.

  • I went to school with a Joshua Hore.

    A friends cousin-in-law named their kid ‘Gubrey’ (Goo-bree) … It was a family name.

    And I saw on tv once an african-american named Spechelle…

  • True name: Candida…. I was shocked.
    Candida is a genus of yeasts.Clinically, the most significant member of the genus is Candida albicans, which can cause infections (called candidiasis or thrush) in humans
    WTF were they thinking?!?!?!?!?

  • lmfao

    how about these two …

    “Forrest” after what else, a freakin’ MOVIE
    and
    “Gage”
    after -you guessed it- a shotgun. (yeah, I know … but if you give your kid such a stupid name you can’t really be expected to know how to spell, can you?)

    wtf, right?!

  • My wife works at a hospital, and has actually encountered:
    1) the first name on the list. (Pronounced “shi-theed”, however).

    2) A gentleman named Scientific Knowledge Jones

    3) A girl with the middle name Climidia (pronounced Kleh-mih-dee-yuh)

    3) A male named Enamel. (Pronounced En-uh-mell)

    Yes.. people REALLY are that stupid.

  • I went to junior high with a guy named “Scott Scott” (first and last name was “Scott”).

    At the same junior high was a girl named “Ima Trotter.”

    There was a medical student I knew whose true last name was the F word.

    A famous lawyer is named “Learned Hand.”

    And of course the famous Hogg sisters in Texas: Ima and Ura Hogg

  • I worked at a day care and there were two there I just couldnt get:

    Crystal Shanda Leer
    Heaven Leigh Lights

    …. why?

  • My favorite first name I came across was Mylildarlin. I wasn’t sure how it was pronounced so I just went with Ms. (last name) and asked her when she stood up. I felt bad for her. She really was named “My Lil’ Darlin” when I asked for a first name confirmation.

    I have also had trouble naming my kids because my husband is Korean. I feel my kids deserve a name that reflects their heritage along with their Korean names. I have been very careful to choose things that aren’t going to be the butt of every joke. My husband’s given name is Young Sin (which he converted to Shin) ironically he is the son of a preacher. His grandmother is named Dong Suk. I’m wish I were kidding…. I didn’t learn that one until I sent out our wedding invitations and about fell over laughing. I felt bad when I found out it was his grandmother’s name.

  • Ha! I’m having a bad grammar night. I meant my kids get Korean names to reflect their heritage along with their American names. Also “I wish I were kidding” about my grandmother-in-law’s name Dong Suk.

  • “Meconium” because the mother heard the Dr. say as the boy was coming out, “I see a little meconium.”

    “Female” pronounced “Fuh ma lay” because the hospital wrist band had the word printed there and the mom thought the hospital had already named her kid so she went with it.

    “Semaj”= “suh mazh”=James backwards.