Friday, March 21st, 2008...7:48 pm
#12: High-End Child Photographers
Once a relatively simple task confined to the back rooms of department stores and downtown retail centers, child portraits are now more akin to high-end fashion shoots for white parents and their children. They have ultra-stylish lighting , overly-thoughtful art direction, and are almost always shot in black and white, as if Herb Ritts himself was shooting little Cody or Madison for the Spring issue of Vogue.
This is because the Best Parent is perennially drunk on style (or some form of style that can be easily purchased from the nearest Restoration Hardware). And like any drunk, the Best Parent cannot control their own impulses. They must flaunt their personal expression with such reckless abandon that the non-best parent pines for the day police will stop ticketing drunk drivers and instead lock-up any Best Parent who spends more than 20 minutes in Pottery Barn Kids.
“How did this happen?” non-best parents ask, while waiting for the JC Penny portrait people to change the blue sky backdrop to the autumn leaves display. It’s simple, really. When looking at a child’s portrait, the Best Parent Ever doesn’t see a mere picture of their progeny - they see a reflection of themselves. And since they are better than you, their child’s portrait must project this message as well. It must say to all who peruse their artfully framed portraits, in their Crate & Barrel picture frames: “We are better than you and your free 8×10 portrait with no sitting fee! We are so stylish, our portraits didn’t even come with wallet-size photos!”
So, take that non-best parent, waiting to say “cheese” at the mall dressed in those matching Christmas sweaters! The Best Parent just had their portraits done professionally by Annie Leibovitz.
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21 Comments
March 29th, 2008 at 2:24 am
Try me!
http://www.chantalstonephotography.com
March 31st, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Hilarious!
April 3rd, 2008 at 2:15 pm
We go to Sears.
1 for 12.
April 27th, 2008 at 3:02 am
My favorite post. The grinning gap-toothed kid in the Catholic school photo resembles me and my siblings back in the 70’s, and the b&w “fashion shoot” is everyone’s upscale offspring. I’ll never be able to look at their pictures again without sniggering.
Also, whoever posed that kid in the b&w photo should have brushed her hair.
June 10th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Ironically, there are some really talented local photographers who are usually cheaper than the “upsell print package” chains like Sears and JCPenny, and especially because they often will give you electronic files you can print yourself on the cheap.
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