Best Parent Ever

The Best Parent Ever realizes that every precious sapling has within it a demon seed; a progeny that defies even their fine-tuned sense of domestic engineering.  That’s why some say “it takes a village to raise a child.”  Unless you’re the Best Parent Ever, in which case you say: “I’m hiring Parenting Coach!”

And why not?  Parenting Coaches are expensive, fashionable, and they clearly announce the superior qualities of one’s breeding abilities even more than that $1,000 stroller that just casually ran over your foot at the farmer’s market.

The rest of the procreating world may be asking friends and family — even Yahoo Groups – for help with childrearing challenges.  But this does nothing for the Best Parent Ever, other than shine a dim, energy-saving lightbulb on how they are almost just like everybody else.  And that just won’t do — not when the Best Parent Ever can spend a substantial sum of money subcontracting their nurturing duties to a complete stranger.

So take that, grandma and grandpa!  Your childcare suggestions are useless unless you can sell yourself as a highly-paid professional.  But don’t worry — “parenting coach” is a vague enough job title, like life coach, consultant, executive producer, or even vice president. Who knows what those people really do?  The Best Parent Ever does: a parenting coach is someone who proves, once again, that they are sooooo much better than you. (And by the way? Their “coach” soooo told them to tell you that).