Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008...1:36 am
Dumbest Baby Name Ever! Contest
Comments
This not-so-poor unborn child needs a dumb baby name. Won’t you help?
The Best Parent Ever is better than you because they are obsessed with dumb baby names. How do we know this? Because our post from last month, “Dumb Baby Names,” continues to be our most visited page.
What is the appeal of these non-traditional, “how do you spell that, please repeat, what’s-that-about” kind of names? Who knows!
| So send us your Zahara’s and Suri’s, and Haley’s and Bailey’s (pretty much any name ending in “ley” qualifies). Please submit REAL dumb names of actual children (or adults) in the comments below. Our favorite five will be submitted to readers for a vote. |
First place winner receives: a real live child named after their submission.
Second place: a t-shirt.
Everyone else: glory, oh, shameless glory.
PS: The child’s gender is still unknown. But that doesn’t matter. The Best Parent Ever loves names that are unisex. So take that, Dylan, Jordan, Riley and Cameron!
54 Comments
April 22nd, 2008 at 3:03 am
“Best” baby name I ever heard was Abcde (pronounces Absedee). Apparently that’s a girls name - the male version is Abcdef!
April 22nd, 2008 at 4:12 am
A student in one of my classes a few years ago was named “Shevaun”.
Back in central MD where I grew up, it would have been a sure thing that this was a black male name, but there were no black males in my section. And yet, here was this name in every set of homeworks and every test.
Finally I saw the student pick up her exam. Upper-middle-class white girl. Her parents evidently didn’t know how to spell “Siobhan”, which would have been pretentious enough even if they hadn’t copped out and spelled it phonetically.
April 22nd, 2008 at 5:28 am
A couple of twins that my buddy went to school with were named Orangello and Lemongello (Orange Jello & Lemon Jello)
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:38 am
What about this?
Friend commented on new baby belonging to other mum in playground: baby was wearing little jumper with ‘Yvonne’ on it.
‘How nice’ said friend. ‘I think Yvonne’s a lovely name!’
‘Oh no’ replied new mum, ‘That’s not how you say it ,you know. it’s ‘Wivvoney’, actually . . .
Poor, poor child . . .
April 22nd, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Here’s one for you, a lady like the french words chaussure, and chaussette so that’s what she named her twin girls. She didn’t look up that they meant shoe and sock.
April 22nd, 2008 at 4:44 pm
I heard of a sports fan who named his son “ESPN”….pronounced “Espin”
Then there is my brother who named his daughter “Indianna Mateja”….and he is very very white!
April 22nd, 2008 at 7:39 pm
one of my client’s has a little girl named
‘Brooke Lynn’
…they live in Park Slope of course
April 22nd, 2008 at 7:47 pm
My two favorites are:
(1) Her (or His) Highness. Like Her Highness Smith. Extra points if the last name could be a first name.
(2) Shi’thead, pronounced “Shi-Thaad” - priceless.
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:52 am
My wife had a friend who named her daughter “Reign.” We at first thought she meant to name her “Rain” but couldn’t spell, until she bought her a little T-Shirt with a crown on it. “Reign!,” she said, “Get it?” Sigh.
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:59 am
My husband’s cousin named her son “Xyz”. Which is apparently pronounced “Zice” to rhyme with “vice”.
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:10 am
Oh and I know a boy called Dodge Small…
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Saltina and Peppertina….real live people!
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:55 pm
sleepy and windy and sunny, and winter they were sisters
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:08 pm
Someone told me a few names that I thought were really “UNIQUE”
YoHighness, YoMajesty, Princess, Isryal (female names) Sir (male name)
Some are named after the county they live in, and I actually like these but they are more ‘girly’ Cambria, Carrington, Estelle, and Rudi (pronounced Rooda)
Eber (male name, Long E+ber)
April 24th, 2008 at 2:22 am
How is this for a name…
Xy. Yup, X and then Y. We know a couple who named their daughter Xy. Pronounced like the word die but with a Z. Now that is some serious whiteage. I don’t think I could even dream up a more dumb name. That takes the cake for me folks! But seriously, please don’t let this name win, because it would be terribly tragic if there were two poor girls out there with this horrific name.
April 24th, 2008 at 2:26 am
A woman I know liked the name of her first son, Carter, so much, she spelled it backwards for her second and named him Retrac. Just awful.
April 24th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
Cool blog/site… when I saw weird baby names, I remembered two people I was acquainted with when I was a kid… One was named Europa, and the other - Aristotle… In India. Can’t imagine what they must’ve gone through in school…
In this part of the world we are crazy about cricket, and a guy named “Napoleon Einstein” plays in the leagues. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Napoleon_Einstein)
I know, not dumb white names, but pretty dumb names anyways!
April 24th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
Some of these names are crazy and I can not top them
but I have a cousin named Zephaniah, and another named Nevaeh (Heaven spelled backwards per her mother) and today I noticed a college president in NYS was name Metropolis.
April 24th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
I was at a store once and a mom kept yelling at her son named Brachley (broccoli). My mom and I could not stop laughing.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:35 am
I’m Venezuelan, and in my Spanish-speaking country the names tend to be very creative. The best I’ve know personally are:
1. Oceania (went to school with me)
2. Mairim (also, a schoolmate - “Miriam” backwards)
3. Yolimar (wife of a friend)
4. Airam (another Venezuelan ex-pat - “Maria” backwards)
5. Janpol (schoolmate, “Jean Paul” phonetically written in Spanish)
but, just so you see that these are not so weird, here is a list someone compiled in a similar post of a Venezuelan blog:
Kerbis, Yojanson, Yudelkis, Yon, Yefry, Yeferson, Yormis, Torkill, Danitza, Yurly, Chirly, Deivis, Brayan, Kely, Tiundy, Tísuby, Tiamy, Yeny, Sobeida, Marsobeida, Yubimar, Yurimar, Yurima, Yurubí, Dorkis, Gladiuska, Yaritza, Karitza, Ylallalic, Yeniber, Diomira, Yoniray, Maryuli, Rodwig, Kepler, Rostin, Lipso, Yurmuari, Norka, Yuruani, Yamarlef, Aleuzenev, Jubino, Davirsia, Levy, Hercilia, Yomira, Yudimel, Wilkinson, Yanis, Yancarlo, Owinch, Yuraima, Mairim, Nelmar, Kleiber, Yubirí, Albiera, Besaida, Maickel, Damelys, Osmar, Daivi, Usnavy, Angely, Solmaira, Miraidis, Yesenia, Yuraima, Yurimia, Yaletzi, Yalisbet, Yaifré, Yoraidí, Yeniber, Yornaichel, Norkis, Franmer, Merfrán, Danixe, Dixon, Yoelbis, Petrasmit, Olmelibey, Armaribely, Rafbet, Rosaherbalaif, Dardha, Isbery, Anglory, Yorbelys, Leidy, Milka, Doreidis, Miradis, Migdalia, Migdalis, Dilsia, Diogne, Diognis, Amorfiel, Diosdado, Jiovana, Eileen, Danibel, Jennisse, Yibisenia, Sensitymoon, Yondry, Raidys, Betsy, Betsymar, Ginesca, Yenise, Amarilis, Yolimar, Denison, Etanislao, Esfreis, Vianney, Lelis, Ismaru, Yenmil, Coraima, Yorman, Dilsia, Yorbelis, Edecio, Ewin, Yanara, Keiyur, Danivell, Keliana, Gretty, Lasmey, Freilly, Erwin, Rosimar, Yenisy, Havey, Vigneys, Kismeth, Gilmer, Osnan, Janlú, Aimara, Nidesca, Yovany, Yoconda, Claid, Dilexa, Kechena, Wianmal, Aroska, Mayra, Tibayre, Coraima, Aiskel, Damaris, Yumaris, Dakmar, Fanely, Iraima, Ariuxi, Maloha, Yajaira, Dorángel, Darwis, Amarilis, Rosmely, Yumber, Norka, Zenaida, Grisel, Lenelina, Carmely, Enderson, Osly, Yolimar, Yulimar, Zulay, Isnardo, Johanson, Yamelis, Indira, Nadesca, Ismelis, Catriel, Yalisbeth, Dubraska, Desireth, Magly, Damaris, Gianine, Dalix, Wuilbert, Yoshkar, Solaine, Jean Frank, Norelys, Aneldo, Rixio, Agnelys, Dalmiro, Yorelys, Lobenis, Keindel, Derbys, Maxiel, Aliera, Williams, Georguel, Hilwilm, Mereanyela, Siuris, Esnilda, Nélida, Elisio, Yudlisbeth, Magaly, Yngrid, Mawel, Rexaimiyori, Willderman, Doreisa, Melody, Nadelys, Veruzka, Jarol, Jakson, Wester, Walfred, Yenniter, Hayram, Stuart, Nabetse, Susej, Yutsitibilisay, Malilis, Marlin, Yesaidu, Osnaiker, Yoneiker, Rotny, Ariani, Joffre, Juan Jondre, Vielman, Anyeli, Everlide, Dinalba, Yóger, Yerly, Yunior, Magalis, Mirosmar, Lilianes, Enelda, Yolimar, Caribay, Zuleimy, Lennar, Geronis, Nuris, Naileth, Wilfred, Duncan, Erylin, Roselyn, Mayarleth, Wilmer, Maikol, Yan Karll, Dayana, Leido, Githanjaly, Netsemany, Yaemmy, Nereydys, Neldo, Eglida, Javiera, Marlenys, Yisel, Mayerling, Maryele, Lysber, Sheila, Georgelis, Arielis, Cheissy, Neimar, Grisaida, Franchesca, Kerallys, Yesenia, Lilibeth, Leobel, Yirly, Deivy, Vivenciolo , Elder, Jerimar, Kenry, Nelsaida, Yormari, Auralin, Yamilet, Elixy, Seiberling, Everfit, Marevi, Esmérida, Zaida, Willésika, Imalay, Euridys, Yedoska, Yogualsi, Yexana, Gemsimys, Haynhect, Yasterliski, Levis, Eukenedy, Nehymalit, Chelsy, Zugehidi, Zugendy, Single, Yorelis, Yorbelis, Jorbis, Yordanik, Solsirec, Miriela, Sorensorina, Greysa, Miriana, Udemixon, Noraisola, Harinton, Icieli, Yraimisg, Royr, Silkys, Nonoska, Yasmildy, Lodval, Nandú, Uni García, Líxido, Analtilo, Ayessa, Bernily, Yinling Rodríguez, Maiker, Marnie, Vicsay, Laiolkis, Hecsaidy, Yaruby, Zunell, Ayerín, Fresa, Urimare, Laudy, Winibey, Ever Nieto, Siempre Mora, Eiker, Braian, Tailor, Kenyerlin, Jean Kenedy, Kerry, Schmeider Graterol, Kervin, Richarly, Cleyder, Remiyarmery, Yunis, Edgembert, Haysamar, Osleandry, Zousire, Waryolis, Glingni, Greity, Windym, Keileen, Shonatan, Enwil, Greissy, Jahynsel, Yuquency, Kleister, Yonexis, Derwin, Johefrank, Deiby, Shaydemar, Jenfer, Juisfreira, Leudis, Yorley, Yurkleym, Jeckson.
None were invented, all real people. My personal favorite: Usnavy… yes, US NAVY!
April 25th, 2008 at 6:13 am
I’ve heard of Orangello and Lemongello.
My friend’s dog’s name is ESPN.
My friend knew a girl growing up named… wait for it… White Cheez-it (not sure if that’s how it was spelled)
I’ve heard of kids named Pajama (Pay-ja-may)
I have a friend who, when she was pregnant, told us “I like names that start with X, and names that end in ler” her little boy’s name: Xyler (Zy-ler).
I went to elementary school with a kid who’s parents named him Dennis. That’s not quite so bad, but his last name: Denniston. Ouch.
The governor of Alaska (family friends of mine) named her kids: Track (like a snowmachine track), Willow (Creek), Bristol (Bay), Piper (like the airplane), and now they just welcomed Trig (Norwegian for brave) Paxson (a place for great snowmachining) Van Palin. (Palin is the last name, Van Palin like it rhymes with Van Halen). I love Sarah.
They are wacky names though.
I’ve played hockey with kids spelled Tyesen, Jaxon (RIP) and I’m sure way more.
April 26th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
Green. I knew a girl named sarah once upon a time who named her daughter “Green” no middle name.. just.. Green.
April 26th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
to add, I also knew a kick in elementary school named “Nick Wick” and a kid in high school named “Nick Nickerson.”
poor kids.
April 27th, 2008 at 1:16 am
I knew a guy call Nicolas McMicking. He got Nick McMick in school
There is an excellent chapter in Levitt & Dubner’s Freakonomics called ‘Perfect Parenting, Part II; or: Would a Roshanda by Any Other Name Smell as Sweet?’
They mention LemonJello and OrangeJello as well as brothers Winner & Loser Lane (Winner developed a long criminal record, Lou became a NY Sergeant); Temptress (from a mother who mixed up Tempestt); DeShawn; Uneek (or Uneque or Uniqqee); Amcher (named after the Albany Medical Centre Hospital Emergency Room); all the kids called Judge, Lawyer, Senator, President, Princeton, Yale and other brand names; and the glorious Yo Xing Heyno Augustus Eisner Alexander Weiser Knuckles Jeremijenko-Conley.
Most interesting is the statistical link made between name types, race, religion and socio-economic status, which I wouldn’t dare try to explain.
Some fantastic lists, if you’re desperate for a baby name
April 30th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
Camden.
Ground zero for urban blight city in New Jersey or totes cool babyname?
http://athenasmom.wordpress.com/
June 4th, 2008 at 3:20 am
I once had a student named Smurfette!! Yep like the little blond smurf…I have suggested this one to all my pregnant friends, after all who would forget that name? I have had no takers!
June 5th, 2008 at 8:19 am
Here are a few I’ve come across from insurance claims:
“Courvoisier”: Yeah, let’s name our kids after what went wrong when they were conceived. His siblings are Maddog, NattyLite, Momma’sacrackwhore, Rohepnol and Condombroke
“De’Karrion”: Yeah, I know you were aiming for “to carry on”, but you’re kid’s one letter away from “carrion”, like what vultures eat. Rotting dead flesh.
“I’munique”: I swear to god I’m not making it up. She was born in 2003 or 2004 if you wanna look it up. Generally, you find a name that MEANS something, ie Lucius means “man of light”, Peter means “the rock”. It shows you took some time to pick a name that meant something. But to be lazy enough to say “I want my kid to be unique. Hmm, what says’ “I’m unique?” (Forrest Gump IQ chugs) “I’munique!”. More like “Mymomma’seitherwastedoralazybitch”
September 3rd, 2008 at 4:17 pm
My mother knew a girl named Tree, once.
Tree… talk about the most simplistic name you can get!
September 8th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
I had a teacher who once told us that her student’s name was Crystal Chandelier…not sure if she was white but I think that Crystal is a pretty horrible name no matter what!
September 13th, 2008 at 3:04 am
My mother went to school with a girl named Candy Kane.
And a friend of mine, her bother in law has a grand daughter named Nevaeh ( Heaven backwards).
September 21st, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Sad, but true. My ophthamologist told me about a group of doctors in his residency program who, for sport, suggested baby names for some of their OB patients. One was Placenta. And one of their new mothers listened. She named her baby Placenta. I think she should have sued the doctor and the hospital!
June 3rd, 2009 at 7:29 am
My husband works in the Tech Department of a school system and hears about lots of stupid baby names. I submit to you one that a poor boy in this school was actually named: “Shithead” pronounced “Shi- Theyed” (empasis on second syllable).
Can you imagine what this kid will go through sending in resumees trying to find a job one day? Resemees will automatically go in the trash because employers will think it’s a joke!
June 13th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
Some may say that my name could be considered but I happen to think it is beautiful not dumb but again I am bias to my own name; anyways it’s my two eldest brothers. Their names by far are the dumbest. The first one is named OK yes I said OK no, spaces, no periods, it doesn’t stand for something else that is his poor name as it reads on his birth certificate and no it was not a type-o. Then the next to be born into our odd little family is named RK and yes you guessed it that is his full name too! No spaces, no periods, no nothing. So there you have it! You have OK and RK and I guess even me, Paulista:)
August 17th, 2009 at 7:37 pm
ok.. my daughter’s name is Yaruby and I prefer that than all those WHITE name in USA!
And ohh yes, Yaritza, Yesenia, are not invented names…. if you are so stupid and dont know about culture, peoples, so dont post!
Those are indian names from any country like Venezuela, Mexico, Ecuador, or any other country with Indian… I dont know about american indians, but i am sure there are pretty much the same shit!
In Brasil a lady named her daughter MADEINUSA, because she saw it on a shirt in her boss’ house and she liked it! (Made in USA) lol
But pronounced in portuguese, sounds better hahahaa
All names was invented.. someone should invented them so, what the heck u guys laugh?
December 9th, 2009 at 9:35 pm
I have encountered a “La-a” while teaching….pronounced “Ladasha.” It could spark a whole new genre of dumb baby names…
Ja”a, O,a, Pa?o
June 16th, 2010 at 5:40 pm
I had 2 dance friends. First, Rayden. Second, Xyler. I’ve heard of Xyler before. Rayden sounds like the Raiden from mortal combat.
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