Thursday, June 4th, 2009...7:17 pm
#60: Fairness
The Best Parent Ever is better than you because they believe in fairness more than you do.
That’s why EVERY child gets a trophy just for participating these days. Number and letter grades have been expelled from grammar school — no one ever “fails” a class anymore, they merely need a little “improvement.” And everyone, all the time, at every possible moment, is always a winner (except, of course, for those “losers who take drugs,” claim our kids’ anti-drug coloring books).
Why have we become so insistent on making everyone feel so victoriously “equal?” Because we’re not equal. And we all know this… except for the Best Parent Ever. Equality is a subjective concept that always looks most promising when you’re at the top of the food chain. And it’s the job of the noble BPE to smother us with this glorious “fairness,” lest we notice how crushingly unfair it all is. This is just basic Lion King 101. You wonderful gazelles shouldn’t mind being eaten, the King of the Jungle says, because we are all winners in The Circle of Life.Uh… no. Not really. One of us is going to be lion manure on the Serengeti in a few hours, while the other takes a nap in the shade of Pride Rock. What’s so fair about that?
So take that, Failure! You have no place rearing your big, fat “F” in the world of the Best Parent Ever. But even more importantly, please don’t remind everyone else of their underachievement. Just let “Needs Improvement” handle that job. It’s so much more fair. Because the last thing the Lion King needs is a bunch of gazelles getting all pissed off over so-called inequality. “Can you hear the love tonight?” “No, sorry, I have the antler of an angry gazelle shoved so far up my ass it punctured my eardrum.” Now… would that be fair? Not for the Best Parent Ever.
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19 Comments
June 5th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
LAUGH…THE HELL…OUT…LOUD!!!!!
June 5th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
Right the hell on, Beeps. God forbid that anyone should get their widdle feelings hurt even a tiny bit. It might cause them to find out they are not actually the center of the universe…
June 6th, 2009 at 1:41 am
Fair is a 4 letter F word.
June 6th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Awesome. Love the Lion King analogy!
July 2nd, 2009 at 6:56 pm
Love this one!! Dead on! Perfect example is a bumper sticker of a BPE private school. “Where every student is an honored student”
September 27th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Nothing is fair in this world.
October 14th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Nothing in life is fair. I’ve been wearing eyeglasses since I was 6. That’s not fair… but it’s fun as hell.
Take that “F” word!!
Your post made me laugh out loud… at work.
April 13th, 2011 at 4:36 am
I love my parents and think they are the best parents in the world.
May 30th, 2011 at 12:50 pm
I ‘m noob in blogging and have just created myown site and currently I ‘m trying to learn as many as I can about this short of new world. I truly like your blog template, may I know what skin is that? Is it customized design or is that paid one? However I can’t afford to get paid design nor have the skill to custom design myself. I’m sorry for this noob question, thanks.
July 19th, 2011 at 8:28 am
And why would a child then want to ever try their best or do their best, when there is absolutely no reward for higher than average performance.
This fairness system only breeds complacence and laziness in the next generations.
We need to learn how to fail too. Since it happens so much as adults.
Loved your post!
May 11th, 2012 at 9:47 am
it’s a very good Article,thank you very much!
May 19th, 2012 at 2:58 pm
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June 13th, 2012 at 1:13 pm
Being fair all the time to everyone is not easy. It is a hard work. Being fair you required lots of thought and planning. But the bottom line is that it’s worth the effort.
July 25th, 2012 at 8:12 pm
Laziest parent ever. 3+ years and no posts? WTF? Did Baby Einstien get accepted to MIT or sumpin?
July 27th, 2012 at 12:56 am
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